Those Crazy People
by Amethyst Turtle
Summary: Just some 'normal' days for the Titans that defy the rules of logic and coherency. Chapter 6: Stories About Stuff- in which the Titans read to children with very strange results.
1. Bathroom Battles

AN: 5-16-10- Okay... so I accidently deleted the original document for this while fixing the chapters _and _being the moron I am, I forgot to save it on Word. So this is the redone version which is scavenged from what I remember I wrote for this.  
Urgh... I'm such an _idiot_.

Bathroom Battles

"Beast Boy!" Raven pounded on the bathroom door, clutching her (gothic) rubber duck. The sound of a running shower, along with Beast Boy's off-key singing, could be heard through the entire hallway. "Hurry up!"

Beast Boy continued singing. Either he couldn't hear Raven over his own voice, or he was simply ignoring her. Raven suspected the latter.

"Urgh... if he sings that stupid song _one more _time..." Raven pinched the bridge of her nose.

"P-P-POKER FAAACE!" Beast Boy screeched. Raven instantly blasted the door open and Beast Boy shrieked, attempting to cover his naked self up.

"You've been in there for three hours. _What on earth _could you have possibly been doing for _three _hours?" Raven hissed, glaring at him.

"I was shaving." Beast Boy huffed, wrapping the shower curtain around himself.

Raven turned around and walked away.

--X--

"Alright Titans, due to an anonymous complaint from one of you-"

Raven coughed inconspicuously.

"I've decided to make a bathroom schedule for the five of us." Robin paused to let the words sink in.

"Yo, what the hell?" Cyborg slammed his fists on the table. "We don't need a _schedule_!"

"I agree! As I have once heard Beast Boy put it, schedules are for "motha f*ckin newbs"!" Starfire added in. Cyborg gaped at her and she meekly sat down, giggling apologetically.

"Titans, please, let me speak!" Robin shouted over Cyborg and Beast Boys' protesting. "Okay, I've organized which days we'll each get the bathroom to ourselves. Raven will get Mondays and Tuesdays, Cyborg will get Wednesdays and Thursdays, Starfire gets Saturdays and Sundays, and I'll just have Fridays since _I _don't need to wash my hair every day." Robin sniffed, running a hand through his stiff hair.

"Dude! What about me?" Beast Boy exclaimed.

"Oh, you get the potted fern at the end of the hall." Robin waved a hand dismissively. "Just be sure to put a newspaper or something beneath it first."

"Wait, Robin, your schedule makes no sense at all." Raven spoke up. "If we all just get two days- or in your case, one day- to use the bathroom, how the _hell _will we last for the rest of the week?"

"But I thought humans only use the restroom every nine months?" Starfire inquired, tilting her head.

"No, Starfire, that's pregnancy." Raven sighed.

"So earthlings give birth to offspring every nine months? No wonder your planet is so overpopulated." Starfire huffed, leaning back in her seat.

"Forget it." Raven said dismissively.

"Uh, guys, how did this whole thing even start?" Cyborg asked hesitantly.

"Because _someone _took too long in the bathroom." Raven glared at Beast Boy.

"Hey! I need to shave regularly!" Beast Boy propped a leg up on the table and rolled up his pant leg. Everyone screamed at the sight of the thick green fur.

"DEAR GOD BEAST BOY PUT THAT THING AWAY!" Robin bellowed, covering his eyes- er, mask- with his hands.

"See? See? It grows back really quickly!" Beast Boy said.

"I think I'm going to be sick..." Cyborg groaned.

"Perhaps we _do _need a bathroom schedule..." Starfire murmured.

"That isn't going to work, Starfire." Raven pointed out.

"Then we need an alternative!" Beast Boy pounded a fist in his hand. "I say we fight over bathroom privileges!"

"So we'll fight in a series of violent and dangerous battles over who gets the bathroom?" Robin tilted his head. He grinned. "Sounds good to me!"

"I will DESTROY you all!" Beast Boy declared.

"A wonderful plan!" Starfire grinned, her eyes flashing dangerously.

"Loser gets the potted fern!" Cyborg hastily added in.

Raven facepalmed.

--X--

AN: I think it's _somewhat _close to the original... ugh, I'm such an idiot...  
Feedback will be greatly appreciated.


	2. The Hostage Situation

AN: Because Slade needs to find something better to do than force adolescents into being his apprentice. Oh wait, crap, is this a parody? I didn't mean it, I swear! I'm _so _over GE, seriously!  
And Starfire can be funny when naive to a fault in certain situations.  
5-16: Scene dividers fixed.

The Hostage Situation

After several intense minutes of explosions and hand-to-hand combat, Slade had managed to capture Starfire in the middle of a battle. He made his escape while his robot henchman attacked the Titans, who were far too distracted by the aggresive drones to notice Slade's subtle escape. Starfire had been knocked out and was dangling limply over Slade's shoulder. All he had to do now was blackmail Robin into becoming his apprentice again (since it went _so well _the first time and the second time with Terra).

Things went smoothly until Starfire woke up in Slade's hideout.

"You evil man!" Starfire yelled, trying to break out of the high-tech energy bubble (unsuccessfully) that Slade had contained her in. "Evil evil EVIL!"

"This would be more amusing if you could come up with a different insult, you stupid girl." Slade growled, typing in codes on his monitor screen.

"...EVIL!"

"Enough!" Slade slammed his hands down. Not a good idea, since he ended up mashing all the keys and ruining the process of whatever he was doing. The screen went black, erasing all the codes. "Arrgh! You fool! Look at what you made me do!"

"The fault is yours, not mine. It is yours, because you are EVIL!" Starfire shouted.

"Silence! If you cooperate, I won't be forced to torture you." Slade said in his most sinister voice, rebooting his computer system.

"Physically, mentally, or sexually?" Starfire innocently asked.

"Wait- what!" Slade shook his head. "_Sexually_? Do I _look _like a pedophile, you stupid girl?"

"Yes. You do. Hmph." Starfire crossed her arms.

"Rrrgh." Slade rubbed his temples. He clapped his hands. "Wintergreen. Get me some hot tea."

"To burn me with? Eeek!" Starfire shrieked.

"No, you stupid girl! It's for _me_!" Slade said in frustration.

"So you are a masochist as well! You are quite evil indeed." Starfire shook her head sadly.

"Silence! You are my hostage, so I don't think you're in the right position to be fooling with me." Slade growled, standing in front of the energy shield and glaring at Starfire.

"That sentence may be taken out of context." Starfire whispered slyly.

"I AM NOT A PEDOPHILE!" Slade roared. Right then, the giant monitor started up again. Robin's face appeared on the screen.

"Slade! What did you do to Starfire?" Robin demanded right off the bat.

"Oh, Robin! Thank goodness! This evil man is a pedophile as well as a masochist!" Starfire cried out.

"I AM NEITHER OF THOSE, YOU STUPID GIRL!" Slade slammed a button on a control panel in front of the energy bubble and Starfire began shrieking with pain, writhing and slightly sizzling.

"You sicko!" Robin gasped. The rest of the Titans appeared behind him.

"Oh, man, that's not right." Cyborg groaned.

"Everything makes sense now. Robin, Terra... now Starfire..." Raven muttered, looking away.

"I'm gonna barf." Beast Boy said, looking greener than usual (if that was possible).

"YOU FOOLS! I AM _NOT_ A PEDOPHILE NOR ROMANTICALLY INTERESTED IN ANY OF YOU!" Slade bellowed. Wintergreen approached the enraged villain timidly.

"Sir, your tea."

"Ah, yes." Slade took deep breaths, trying to calm down. He sipped the tea through his mask and turned to the screen. "Now, to my true goal. Robin, if you do not agree to become my apprentice, your alien friend here will _suffer_."

"Sexually." Starfire whispered from behind him.

"DAMMIT! WILL YOU SHUT UP?" Slade shouted.

"Why do you want me to be your apprentice? It didn't work the first time, now, did it?" Robin smirked. Beast Boy snickered.

"But this time, I have something precious to you." Slade gestured to Starfire. "If you do not agree to my demands-"

"Duuuude! That isn't right!" Beast Boy broke in.

"I am not speaking to you, Beast Boy!" Slade shouted. "I only address Robin!"

"That totally says something about your preferences, Slade." Cyborg added in.

"Why do you want only _me _to be your apprentice, anyways?" Robin gasped. "Oh, you- gross! You have a _crush _on me, don't you? You disgust me, Slade!"

Slade banged his head against the wall several times. He took deep, calming breaths and tried to control himself.

"Help me, friends! Slade is an evil man! Evil evil evil evil EVIL!"

Slade threw an explosive disc at the monitor and it blew up, breaking the connection.

--X--

"It's been hours. I can't find their location." Cyborg said worriedly, scanning the city with the Tower's radar. "Her communicator isn't sending any signals, either."

"I hope Star's alright." Robin said, pacing back and forth.

Just then, the alarm went off.

"Someone's at the front door." Raven informed them. "I can't tell who it is, though."

"Then let's go see who it is!" Beast Boy ran for the elevator. The rest of the Titans followed.

When they opened the front door, they found Starfire stuffed in some sort of metal crate, only her head poking out.

"Star...fire?" Robin raised an eyebrow.

"Ah, hello friends! I am safe!" Starfire beamed at all of them. She wiggled. "Although I seem to be stuck in this box."

"Look. Here's a note." Cyborg plucked a paper tag from the crate. He read it out loud. "_You are all idiots. Take this stupid girl back and never bother me again. Slade."_

"Well!" Beast Boy huffed. "That's offending!"

--X--

AN: Why didn't Slade just kill Starfire? Because, that would ruin all the fun.  
I'm aiming for fifteen chapters or less. Or something.  
Feedback will be greatly appreciated.


	3. The Wonders of Technology

AN: I have a Facebook (forced on me by an insistent friend), but I haven't been on in weeks. Meanwhile, half of the people I know are apparently addicted to Farmville, whatever that is.  
It's scary how fast people are becoming acquaintanced with Apple products and whatnot. My middle-aged mother is addicted to her iPhone, and my dad is soon to be next. My brother is texting nonstop, and it just PISSES ME OFF when my friends are texting when I'm trying to talk to them.  
_I _don't have texting, and I turned out fine. Sort of. And I don't plan on getting it anytime soon, either.  
5-16: Scene dividers fixed.

The Wonders of Technology

"Man, you've been sitting there for six hours straight." Cyborg poked his head in Beast Boy's room.

"Four. I took a bathroom break." Beast Boy answered without looking up. Ever since he had managed to scrape up enough cash to buy his own laptop, Beast Boy had been stuck on it since doing who knows what.

"I saw. You missed the toilet, by the way." Cyborg said in disgust. "What are you even doing, anyways?"

"Stuff."

"Stuff." Cyborg repeated.

"Yeah. Stuff."

"Don't tell me you're looking up..."

"Ew, no. Besides, you have to pay for that."

"And you know this how...?"

"Uh... Robin looked it up first! I swear!" Beast Boy threw his free hand up, since the other was glued firmly to the mouse.

"He wears spandex for a reason, you know." Cyborg laughed. "Ever consider that?"

Beast Boy didn't answer. He was staring wonderously at the glowing screen. Cyborg walked over to peer over Beast Boy's shoulder.

"What the hell is that?" Cyborg asked incredulously.

"Facebook!" Beast Boy said proudly. "It's about time I caught up with what's hot and what's not. I'm young! Handsome! Undeniably sexy! I _need _a Facebook! All the hottest chicks have one!"

"That's really sad, man." Cyborg shook his head. "By the way, your voice hasn't even changed yet."

"What's sad is how little friends I have- only six hundred. I need to find more people!" Beast Boy clicked on a link that took him to a page with dozens of names with little profile pictures beside them.

"Six hundred- man, do you even know all of them?" Cyborg leaned in closer.

"Naw, only about forty or something. The rest are my loyal fangirls. And some of those creepy fanboys." Beast Boy said. "Hey, look! Argent got a Facebook too! I'm so adding her."

"Beast Boy, Facebook is stupid." Cyborg bluntly said.

"Oi! I don't make fun of you for still reading _paper _magazines! Everyone knows that news via internet is the best thing ever." Beast Boy rolled his eyes. "Paper is so outdated."

"Come on, man, let's go play video games or something. I got the latest Mega Monkey Racer gaaaame." Cyborg said, attempting to tempt Beast Boy.

"Five more minutes." Beast Boy said vaguely.

Cyborg sighed and cradled his head in his hand. "You know what, I'm just going to play with Robin. At least _he _doesn't make friends with cyber pedophiles and rabid fangirls online."

"They aren't _rabid_, they're just slightly _disturbed _and possibly mentally unstable." Beast Boy insisted.

"Whatever."

--X--

"Beast Boy! Would you like to accompany me to the grocery store?" Starfire floated in Beast Boy's room. There was no response. Starfire flew closer to the figure hunched in front of the laptop. "Beast Boy?"

"Wha- oh, hey." Beast Boy nodded, never taking his eyes away from the screen. "Check this out! Youtube!"

"I tube?"

"You must be thinking iPod."

"You pod?"

"No, You_tube_."

"I do not tube."

"No, it's called iPod."

"I do not understand."

"Here, see for yourself." Beast Boy motioned for Starfire to stand beside him. "Over a million videos on this website, and counting! Isn't that awesome?"

"Interesting." Starfire nodded. In truth, she honestly didn't care much for the Internet (and not because she didn't know how to browse it either).

"This is the most viewed video ever- Lady Gaga's Bad Romance." Beast Boy clicked on a picture. The screen changed, and a video of some strange lady appeared, making obscure gestures with her body.

"Hm. I see." Starfire nodded, not quite getting the point of the video. "Is she mentally ill? Is that why the woman is making such odd movements?"

"Nooo! It's because she's _Lady Gaga_!" Beast Boy said. "Here's another highly viewed video. Susan Boyle."

_"I dreamed a dreeaaaam..."_

"So b-beautiful!" Beast Boy sniffled, wiping a tear away from his eye.

"Quite lovely indeed." Starfire said. "Well, I suppose I will go to the grocery store alone."

Beast Boy clicked on the dancing video again, and he began guffawing loudly along with the audience laughter in the video.

Starfire sighed and left the room.

--X--

"Beast Boy, I- OH GOD! WHAT THE HELL?"

"It isn't what it looks like, I swear!"

"YOU'RE LOOKING UP _PORN?"_

"Technically, it's called hentai and it's _free_."

"OW! MY SPANDEX! OW OW OW!"

"Uh, trying to enjoy free hentai here..."

"MY LEGS! _I CAN'T FEEL MY LEGS!"_

"Uh huh..."

"AAAUGGGH!"

Raven's eyebrows rose as Robin half-ran, half-limped by her, screaming something about porn and spandex unintelligably. She glanced at the room Robin had burst out of. Beast Boy's.

Why was she not surprised?

Sighing, Raven ignored Robin's screaming and entered Beast Boy's room. Luckily, Beast Boy hastily closed the page before Raven saw what he was looking up.

"Cyborg and Starfire told me about your little internet addiction." Raven said.

"I'm not addicted. I'm just heavily immersed." Beast Boy said.

"I think I know how to help you out." Raven walked up to him.

"I don't need help! I'm fine with my eight hundred Facebook friends!" Beast Boy said stubbornly.

"Yeah. Here, let me..."

"Uh, Rae, what're you- HEY! STOP THAT!"

"I'm just helping."

"PUT IT DOWN! HEEY!"

"No use trying to fight it."

"NO! CUT IT OUT! PUT IT DOOOWN!"

"It's for your own good, Beast Boy."

"NOOOOO!"

--X--

"I hate you." Beast Boy glowered, slumped on the couch.

"Glad to hear that." Raven said, flipping through her book. Cyborg sat in between them, playing a video game.

"Friends! I have returned with the groceries!" Starfire announced, flying into the Operations Center. A wide grin spread on her face when she saw Beast Boy. "Beast Boy! You have come out of your room at last!"

"Because _someone _threw my laptop out the window into the ocean." Beast Boy scowled.

"Wonderful! Oh, um, I mean to say, I offer my deepest apologies." Starfire bowed.

"Go read a book, Beast Boy." Raven rolled her eyes. Just then, Robin came limping into the room.

"Hey, guys, what's up?" Robin asked weakly, leaning on the kitchen counter for support.

"What's wrong with you?" Cyborg asked, risking to tear his eyes away from the giant TV screen for a split second.

"I should probably wear sweats when we're not on a mission." Robin sat down, wincing.

"Probably." Cyborg snorted.

"I wanna go on Facebook." Beast Boy pouted.

"Don't even think about using the main computer. Remember? _Browsing history_." Cyborg said meaningly, nudging Beast Boy with his elbow.

"I swear, it was Robin who looked up that stuff!"

"Looked up what?" Starfire asked innocently.

"You don't want to know..." Raven coughed. Robin whimpered and massaged his numb legs.

--X--

AN: I'm using way too many sex jokes. But... there's a little pervert monster in all of us, right? Right? It's not just me, right?  
Feedback will be greatly appreciated.


	4. Pie Massacre

AN: This _was _going to be an entire story by itself, but I thought, what the hell. I'll just cram it into _Those Crazy People_.  
5-16: Scene dividers fixed.

Pie Massacre

Starfire woke up in an exceedingly cheerful mood. It wasn't unusual, considering that her daily rituals consisted of opening her eyes with a great, big smile and shouting to the world how happy she was, but her mood today was _unusually _cheerful. Why? Well, because today was the day her Trabular was finally ready to be harvested.

Whatever that is.

On the edge of the Titans' island was a tiny little cave hollowed out in the side of the drop-off overlooking the bay. It just so happened that Starfire had discovered this niche while searching for glow-worms (Beast Boy's idea) and decided it would be the perfect place to put her Trabular in. And so the Trabular lay for months, feeding off the minerals found in the stone.

"BLAARGH!" the Trabular roared when Starfire tried to yank it out.

"No! No! Bad Trabular!" Starfire scolded. She whacked it a few times before it finally cooperated, allowing Starfire to pull it out of the cave.

--X--

"Morning, Star. Whatcha making there?" Cyborg asked, entering the OC. Starfire gave out a little "eep!" and whipped around.

"Cyborg! You may not come into the kitchen until I give the okay signal!" Starfire said, gently pushing her friend out. "Please notify everyone else. Thank you!"

Cyborg blinked, puzzled.

"Dude! I call dibs on waffle iron!" Beast Boy came charging down the hall, headed straight for the door. Cyborg held him back with one hand on his green head.

"Sorry. Starfire said not to let anyone in until she says it's okay."

"What's she doing?"

"Not sure."

"Well, it can't be anything good." Raven materialized in front of them, her hair slightly damp from her morning shower.

"She's probably making breakfast for all of us." Cyborg suggested.

"Which probably isn't a good thing. Remember her series of pudding dishes?" Raven shuddered. "Half of them were explosive."

"Well, they did make good fireworks." Beast Boy shrugged.

"What are we doing outside of the OC?" Robin joined them.

"Starfire's making something." Cyborg said.

"Uh oh. Should we be really letting her do that?" Robin asked uncertainly.

"No." Raven answered curtly.

The door hissed open. Starfire hovered before them, her face covered in what looked like flour and green slime. She was wearing an apron over her uniform. The apron was riddled with burn marks and holes and partially shredded.

"… uh, Starfire, what exactly were you doing in the kitchen?" Robin asked, staring at the row of shallow cuts on her left arm.

"The Trabular pie is complete! Come, friends, join in on the feast of happiness!" Starfire ushered them all in. Cyborg gasped.

"What happened to my tower?" Cyborg fell to his knees. The walls were coated in green and purple slime, and the carpet was badly torn up. The couch was mysteriously missing and more flour coated the ceiling like dust.

"Ah, yes, the Trabular has been giving me a bit of trouble during the preparation process. But no worry! The pie is complete!" Starfire motioned to a pie that was literally the size of a truck wheel on the counter. It was about three feet tall and five feet wide in diameter and the golden crust was mottled with blue spots, giving it an almost moldy appearance.

"Star, what is that?" Robin asked nervously.

"More importantly, how the hell did that fit in the oven?" Raven asked.

"The Trabular pie! It signifies the friendship between friends, and the happiness that results from the friendship! Something like that!" Starfire smiled brightly. "Let us enjoy the pie before-"

A tentacle suddenly broke through the crust. Green slime sprayed over everyone and Starfire dropped the pie in surprise. The tentacle waved around madly in the air.

"OH MY GOD! IT'S ALIVE!" Beast Boy shrieked, hiding behind Cyborg.

"Bad Trabular! Baaaa-aad!" Starfire beat at the tentacle with a rolling pin, which only caused more crust and slime to fly everywhere. The tentacle slowly retreated back into the pie, accompanied by several disgruntled growls. Starfire smiled up at the four very startled Titans.

"Uh… Starfire… that thing is baked, right?" Raven asked.

"I hope so." Starfire said solemnly, kicking the pie tin when it began rattling furiously. "We must eat it before it eats us!"

Beast Boy passed out.

"Are you sure that's safe?" Robin asked, edging away from the giant pie.

"On my planet, it is also a test of strength and reflex, besides being a celebration of friendship. Something like that."

"We should probably kill it before it attacks us." Cyborg began charging up his sonic cannon. Starfire jumped in front of him, arms spread wide.

"No! I had spent so much effort-"

"Uh, Starfire? The pie's escaping." Raven tapped her shoulder. Everyone looked to where Raven was pointing. The pie was hopping towards the window, each hop making a loud clunk as it hit the floor.

"Trabular! No! Bad Trabular! BAD TRABULAR!" Starfire ran towards it.

"BLAARGH!" the pie crust suddenly split open, revealing a large mouth lined with sharp teeth. "BLAAARGH!"

"Oh my. Whatever shall we do now?" Raven wondered out loud dryly.

The pie began to shoot out fire, setting an armchair ablaze.

"FIRE-BREATHING PIE?" Beast Boy shrieked in terror.

It hopped over to Robin and bit his leg.

"CRAAAAAP!" Robin yelled, trying to shake it off. "GETTIT OFFAH MEEE!"

"Hold still, dammit!" Cyborg shouted, trying to take aim.

"I'll save you!" Beast Boy turned into a bear and swiped the pie away. It bounced a few times against the floor before coming to a stop.

"My leg..." Robin whimpered, clutching his shin.

"I shall fetch the fork!" Starfire flew away.

"Wait, Starf- oh, great." Raven rolled her eyes. She turned around and kicked the attacking pie away just in time.

"Jeezus!" Cyborg blasted the deadly pastry with his cannon, but it hardly dented the tin. "What'd Star use to make this thing?"

"I do _not _want to know." Robin said, standing on the table.

"And what do you think you're doing?" Raven raised an eyebrow.

"It can't bite my legs if I'm- OH CRAP!" Robin dove to the side, narrowly dodging a stream of fire from the pie.

"AYEYEYEYEEEE!" Starfire suddenly flew in out of nowhere, a ridiculously large fork with two rows of tines in her hands, and began to ferociously stab the baked good.

"BLAAARGH!" the pie roared, tentacles and flames flying everywhere. Slime splattered on the already-filthy walls and floor as Starfire mercilessly killed whatever was in the aggressive pastry.

"Well, that's one way to handle a man-eating pie." Raven noted, avoiding a blob of slime that flew at her head.

"IT BURNS!" Beast Boy screamed, trying to rub some goop out of his eyes.

"Hah- there! Now the Trabular pie is fit for consumption!" Starfire beamed proudly, offering the mutilated pie to her friends. "Please enjoy!"

"..." Everyone stared at her blankly.

"Friends?"

"So, who's up for pizza?" Beast Boy asked hastily.

"Me." Cyborg and Robin answered unanimously.

"I guess." Raven sighed, wiping her hands on her cloak.

Starfire pouted and set the stabbed pie on the counter. "But the Trabular-"

"Sorry, Star, we'd rather not..." Robin said awkwardly.

"Dude! That thing tried to _kill _us!" Beast Boy flailed.

"It was merely being affectionate!"

"Of course it was. Of course it was." Raven led Starfire out of the flour and slime-coated room and they all went out for pizza.

When they returned, Silkie had eaten the pie.

Needless to say, Starfire was quite upset.

--X--

AN: Lolwut.  
Feedback will be greatly appreciated.


	5. Bald and Magnificent

AN: This came up when my dad was telling me stories about how he would cut his sister's hair off when they were kids. My dad is such a monkey. X3

Bald and Magnificent

"WHA- HOLY MOTHER OF-"

"Was that Robin?" Starfire looked up from her bowl of mush that she was stirring.

"Sounded like him." Raven nodded.

"OH MY GOD! WHAT THE FU-"

"Whoa. Someone's gotta clean out his mouth." Cyborg shook his head, holding the waffle iron above Beast Boy's grabbing hands. "I wonder what got his panties in a bunch?"

"Robin wears panties?" Starfire looked at Cyborg in alarm.

"No, it's just an expression."

Beast Boy suddenly stopped leaping for the waffle iron. His eyes widened. "Uh oh, I think-"

"ALRIGHT, WHO WAS IT?" Robin burst into the OC in his undershirt and boxers. One of his gloves was missing and his mask was on lopsided. He pointed at his head.

Which was as shiny and smooth as a baby's bottom.

"WHO. DID. THIS." Robin repeated, his face practically murderous.

"Robin! Have you begun to do the shedding?" Starfire asked.

"Humans don't shed." Raven muttered to her out of the corner of her mouth. Starfire paused and nodded before smiling apologetically at Robin.

"Okay, I know it wasn't you or Raven." Robin shook his head vigorously. He glared at Cyborg and Beast Boy. Beast Boy was cowering behind Cyborg, who was still gripping the waffle iron as if to defend himself should Robin decide to charge.

"It was an accident, I swear!" Beast Boy squeaked. "I was just experimenting with your shampoos and-"

"BEAST BOY!" Robin shouted. He pointed at his head again. "I'M FREAKING _BALD!" _

"But it makes you look distinguished?" Beast Boy offered meekly.

"I'M _BALD!" _

"Man, chill." Cyborg held up the waffle iron. "It's not that big of a deal. Just wear a wig until your hair grows out again."

"BUT I'M _BALD!" _Robin repeated, his voice rising. "BAAAALD!"

"We got it, Robin. You're _bald_." Raven rolled her eyes. She sighed and pinched the bridge of her nose. "Wear a wig and stop throwing a temper tantrum. Like Cyborg said, it's not worth spazzing about."

Starfire gasped and jumped up eagerly. "Robin, perhaps I can offer to assist in finding a wig-"

Robin imagined himself with golden, luxurious hair cascading down his back. Or shiny chestnut braids that bounced all over the place. Or worse- long, ebony hair with colorful highlights in them. The bald Boy Wonder shuddered. "No thanks, Star... I'll just, um, find one myself."

With one final glare at Beast Boy, Robin left the OC.

--X--

After pulling a hat over his hairless head, Robin went to the city to shop for his temporary hair. He found a barber shop that looked promising and entered.

"Ah, the Boy Wonder himself! What can I get for you, darling, hm?" a man in skinny jeans greeted Robin.

"I need... a wig." Robin muttered, leaning in closer.

"For the dark one or the bubbly one?"

"Huh?" it took Robin a second to realize that the man was referring to Raven and Starfire. Robin shook his head. "No, it's for me."

"But darling, you don't need to cover up those stiff spikes. Why that horrid hat, by the way?" the man tilted his head, glancing at the cap Robin was wearing.

Robin hissed through his teeth. "One of my teammates put something in my shampoo that made all my hair fall out."

"Oh, darling, you should have said earlier! _Darling_!" the man tsked. "That's just terrible! Of _course _I'll find a wig for you. Come, come!"

The man took Robin by the elbow and pranced to the back of the shop past middle-aged women getting their hair done.

--X--

"So, what do you think?" Robin stood before the other Titans. He turned to let them see his head from all angles.

"Well... it's... different." Cyborg decided.

"This was the only thing they had that most resembled my old hair." Robin frowned. The wig he had decided on was short and stopped above his neck. The hair was dark brown and had an almost fur-like consistency.

"That's a womens' wig." Raven bluntly said.

"Wha- damn! That guy lied!" Robin cursed.

"I think it looks glorious." Starfire smiled. Before Robin could answer, the alarm went off. Cyborg dashed to the computer and read the alert.

"Bank robbery two blocks down from the Pizzeria. From the looks of it, they're ameteurs." Cyborg snorted.

Robin adjusted his wig. "Titans, go!"

--X--

Later that night, Robin threw the wig away. He slumped down on the couch between Cyborg and Starfire and glared at the TV angrily.

"You have to admit, it was freakin' hilarious!" Beast Boy laughed. He checked his reflection in Robin's scalp.

"No. More. Wigs." Robin gritted through his teeth.

"Well, since the robbers were laughing so hard, it was much easier to subdue them." Raven calmly said.

"They were laughing at _me_!" Robin said in exasperation. He noticed Beast Boy staring at his bald head. "Cut it out! This is all your fault, you know."

"Let it go, man. Let it go." Cyborg said.

"I thought the robbers were quite unkind to laugh at your baldness." Starfire piped up. "The fault was not yours that your wig had fallen off."

"Thank you." Robin nodded. He groaned. "It'll take forever for my hair to grow out again."

"I think being bald suits you." Beast Boy grinned.

"Very funny." Robin growled, his head glinting in the light.

--X--

AN: Hmhm.  
Feedback will be greatly appreciated.


	6. Stories About Stuff

AN: The hell? An update? No way. :3  
I think I did mention before that inspiration is random. Very, very, so frustratingly random.

Stories About Stuff

"Robin, you are an _idiot_."

"Don't give me that, Raven!" Robin snapped. He pinched the bridge of his nose and glanced at his friends who were sitting around the table, waiting for him to supply more details. "Look, guys, it won't be that bad-"

"Remember that time Beast Boy was nearly sued because that little girl's parents thought he bit her?" Raven interrupted him.

"Oh! Oh! And that time Raven made all those kids at that birthday party cry!" Beast Boy added.

"Don't forget when Starfire chucked that boy halfway across Thousand Street." Cyborg snorted, crossing his arms.

"That boy wished for the experience of flight, and I had provided a very accurate demonstration!" Starfire protested.

"I don't think he meant for you to _throw _him!" Cyborg said.

"Guys! Guys! SHUT UP!" Robin yelled, successfully regaining their attention. "Okay, seriously, it's just an easy volunteer job. Nothing too big or too difficult that the Titans can't handle."

"What abou-" Beast Boy was silenced by Robin's withering glare.

"It's just _one _day! What could go wrong, huh?" Robin held his hands up. "If you guys are really against my idea, you can just read one story. Just _one_."

"Robin, I do not believe it is because we are terrible with small children, it is just..." Starfire trailed off, struggling to find a good reason.

"No, it's because we're bad with kids." Raven said bluntly. "Cyborg is the closest one kids can look up to as a big brother."

"Aw, you flatter me." Cyborg laughed.

"How'd you even come up with this oh so brilliant plan, Mr. Leader?" Beast Boy propped his feet up on the table, hands folded behind his head.

"Well, after that nasty experience with the little girl and the barrel of flour-"

"That was hilarious!"

"... Yes, thank you Beast Boy." Robin coughed. "I figured it would do our public image some good if we volunteered for the community. So, I thought, why not a read-a-loud at the library?"

"Robin, we're superheroes. We're constantly saving the city from complete destruction. I don't think the civilians will care if there's a few insignificant slips now and then- it's inevitable. After all, celebrities are off worse than us. We do _good _in this world. People _know_ we're the good guys." Raven said. Starfire smiled and softly clapped.

"So it's agreed. We're reading at the library." Robin nodded, purposely ignoring Raven. Raven sighed and cradled her head in her hand. Why did she even bother?

-X-

"Alright, children, today we have some very special guests. The Teeeeen Titaaaans!" the elderly librarian said in a sing-song voice before backing away.

"Yaaay!" the toddlers cheered, bouncing on their parents' laps. Beast Boy sauntered over to the tiny wooden chair and plopped down in it. Immediately, it cracked and broke under his weight.

"OWW!" Beast Boy howled. "I got a splinter up my a-"

"_Beast Boy! They're kids!" _Robin hissed from the sidelines. He chuckled nervously and waved at the waiting crowd.

"Uh... I guess I can just sit like this..." Beast Boy winced, shifting on the splintered wood. He rubbed his hands together and grinned. "Okay, any requests?"

"Cinderella!"

"The Three Little Pigs!"

"Veggietales!"

"How about the epic awesome story of Captain Beast Boy and his pirate crew of ten thousand tiger-warriors who stormed the seven seas and rescued a damsel in distress from a giant dragon who had _laser vision_?"

He was met with silence. The kids stared at him blankly while their parents kept Beast Boy under their scrutinizing gazes.

"Okay, let's see... once upon a time-"

"I'M THIWSTY!" a little girl screeched.

"Hey, hey, I'm trying to tell a story here!" Beast Boy waved his arms. "AS I WAS SAYING-"

"I WANNA COOKIE!" the little girl obviously wasn't about to be silenced just yet.

"ONCE UPON A TIME-"

"MOMMY, I'M HUNGWY!"

"-THERE WAS A PIRATE NAMED CAPTAIN BEAST-"

"WHEN IS THIS GUNNA END?"

"-BOY WHO WAS SUPER AWESOME AND-"

"COOOKIES!"

"-HE HAD AN AWESOME MOPED-"

"THIS STOWY IS BAD!"

"-AND HE GOT ALL THE HOT CHICKS-"

"MOMMY, I WANNA GO NOW!"

"-BECAUSE THEY THOUGHT HE WAS _SEXY__!"_ Beast Boy screamed over the little girl's complaining.

"O-kaay, thank you for listening, but unfortunately, Beast Boy's time is up." Robin quickly walked over to pull the hyperventilating Beast Boy away from the stage. He smiled at the stunned parents and clapped his hands together. "Let's give it up for Beast Boy and his story of... uh... the pirate with a Moped!"

He was met with silence. Robin sighed. "Okay, Cyborg, you're next."

-X-

"What's up, y'all? Can I hear a _what what_?"

"WHAT?" an elderly woman in the back row yelled, a hand cupped over his ear.

"That's what I'm talking about!" Cyborg grinned. "So, who want's to hear a story?"

"ME!" a jittery boy bounced up and down.

"I can't hear you!"

"MEEE!" the boy yelled louder.

"Come on, lemme hear you _roar_!"

"MEEEE!" the boy suddenly began frothing at the mouth and he fell over. His mother screamed and the surrounding parents rushed over to help. Their children began wailing, frightened by the sudden commotion.

"Oh... uh..." Cyborg remained in the chair, stunned.

Robin winced and buried his face in his hands. This was turning out worse than he had expected.

-X-

After the boy got back up (tempted by the smell of a chocolate bar) and the parents and children settled back into their seats, Starfire eagerly flew over to the chair and sat down. She beamed at the crowd and waved.

"Hello!"

"Hiiiiii." the children said, waving back with little enthusiasm. Starfire took no notice of this and maintained her cheerful demeanor.

"I am very happy to be here today with such wonderful people!" Starfire declared. She cleared her throat. "And I would like to share a traditional story from my home planet; one that I had grown up with." The parents nodded in approval, beginning to lighten up.

"Oooooghaaaah." Starfire jumped out of her seat and crouched down, making a strange sound in a low, guttural voice. She stepped side to side like a crab, waving her hands about. "Iyulta nomb harusha nicoro lopune miju marutsu repomudazur! Isshuuuutooo!"

The parents stared blankly at her, unsure what to make of the strange performance. A few of the kids giggled.

"_Star! English!" _Robin hissed. Starfire glanced at him and mouthed "Okay".

"A comet! A comet bearing down upon the moon! The people _scream_!" Starfire translated, still stepping side to side in a crouch. "And what is this? A YOKONAZU! A YOKONAZU! RUN AWAY, LITTLE MEN! RUN AWAY!"

"Mommy, I'm scared..." a little boy whispered.

"THEY SCREAM! THEY SCREAM IN FEAR! But..." Starfire halted and raised her hands high above her head. "the Yokonazu means no harm. The Yokonazu is a harmless creature, a bringer of peace and joy!"

Robin exhaled in relief.

"BUT THEN..." Starfire gasped. "A Tinukai! Down with the comet, it rains! The Tinukaaaiii! Eaten by the shadowy fear, the men run! The Tinukai hunts! Hunts the Yokonazu! Eats the Yokonazu! Digests the Yokonazu! And all that is left... is the _Tinukai. End."_

Robin held back a sob as Cyborg patted his shoulder. Starfire smiled at the crowd, waved once more, and flew back to them. The listeners seemed too shocked to show any reaction to Starfire's bizarre Tamaranean story.

"Did I do well?" Starfire asked eagerly.

"Y-Yeah..." Robin managed to say.

Well, it was better than Beast Boy's story. Sort of.

-X-

"Uh, hi." Raven nodded at the crowd. "So, how're you doing?"

No one dared respond.

"Okaay..." Raven sat down. She neatly folded her hands in her lap and waited for the baby in the fourth row to stop crying. It gave her time to consider her story, anyways. Once all was quiet, she began.

"Once upon a time, there was a sparkly pink pony named Sparkles Sunshine Cake." Raven said in a droll tone. "Sparkles Sunshine Cake was having a tea party with her friend, a fluffy furry puppy named Woof-woof Sprinkles. They had tea with cream and sugar. It was yummy. The end."

Without another word, Raven stood up and walked off the stage. Immediately, the children erupted in cheers of approval.

"And _that's _how you tell a story." Raven said to the other four Titans, satisfied by their dropped jaws of disbelief.

-X-

"Well, it's been a long day, Titans." Robin nodded.

"Wait a minute, how come _you _didn't have to tell a story?" Beast Boy asked, slamming his palms on the table.

"Uh... I forgot."

Beast Boy groaned and slapped his forehead. "Of course you did, dude, of course you did."

"I didn't even get to start _my _story." Cyborg sighed.

"And I did not have the opportunity to elaborate on the rituals of the Tinukai and its ability to digest flesh with an acidic drool that-"

"It's okay, Starfire. It's okay." Raven said, slapping a hand over Starfire's mouth.

"So, all in all, it was a pretty good day, right guys? Guys?" Robin rubbed his hands together, smiling. The other Titans stared blankly at him.

"Yes. A wonderful day." Raven said sarcastically.

-X-

AN: Woo... it feels pretty good to be back with the Titans, even if it's for... 1779 words. Well, I have no idea when the next update will be, so later.  
Reviews will be greatly appreciated.


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